Homeless

"Home" is a concept that I have a hard time understanding.

My parents and I moved every two or three years when I was growing up, and I LOVED it. We never moved far - always an hour drive this way or that way, but I was excited every time to have a new place to call "home." "Homesick" is another term I don't understand.

When I left on summer trips, when I went to college, when I studied in Australia for a semester, when I traveled this summer, I didn't get "homesick." Ask my parents. They never knew if I was alive or dead because I never called them and I never even thought about home.

I always thought that my love to move and my ability to not miss home showed that I adapt well to new places and situations. I thought it meant that I was flexible and comfortable in a variety of environments...

But then I went to Central City Community Church of the Nazarene. The service was incredible. It was one of the best services I have been to in a long time. "A piece of heaven," said my housemate Erin. Why was it so good? I have to give the pastor props, because his sermon was off-the-charts amazing. But I have heard some #1 hits before and they didn't always leave me feeling like I just walked through heaven's doors.

As I sat among the church congregation, I tried to figure out what made these people and this place so wonderful.

Then it hit me. The majority of the people that attend this church are homeless. The strangest realization for me was that I felt like I was one of them, struggling and hoping for the same things as them. At first I was almost angry with myself. My life is so easy compared to theirs. How could I be so ignorant to flippantly feel like I related with their struggles? How could I say that I felt like these men and women who have no place of their own were my family? I couldn't tell them that I understood what they were going through. I hated telling them I lived in Pasadena when they asked where I stayed. If one of them asked me for money on a street corner, I might not even give it to them. So how could I, albeit slightly ironically, feel like this place was "home-sweet-home" and these people were my family?Then it hit me again.

Praising God with this congregation was sweet to my soul because we all understood something crucial:

This life is not "home."

We agreed together that we know what "home" is supposed to be like, and this life was not it. We were longing together for something better, something perfect. We wanted not only the best for ourselves, but the best for each other. And we all knew where to look for it. We knew we could find a home in God, and that is where we put our hearts, capturing the idea that "home is where the heart is."

As I sat with the my brothers and sisters in Christ, praying for peace, asking for justice, hoping for breakthrough, committing to persevere through pain and temptation, I realized that this is what I had been looking for every time I moved when I was little. Being with a community that understood where "home" is is what I had been longing for. I was never homesick because there was no home to miss - I hadn't found it yet.

So I guess I can officially say that I am homesick. I desire a home the way a home should be. I am sick for a place where no one is in need, no one is in pain, and no one is left behind. I want to live in shalom, a place of peace. Who doesn't?

And as I write this, I realize that I am homesick for Africa (Ghana in particular) because of the community I found there. I found men and women greatly affected by and unsettled with the circumstances of an unjust world. They strive for something better, and live with the hope, faith, and understanding that the best home of all is discovered within a life that is committed to following Jesus.

For my friends in Ghana and the Central City church, the pain of every-day life in a broken world is sometimes too hard to bear, but they continue on with smiles on their faces because they know exactly where home is and what home is not. Life is hard, and they don't always smile, but they know where to find joy, where to find satisfaction, and where to find the comfort of a true home.

May God bless them and give them relief as they endure suffering that I will never fully understand and as we long and pray together for the home of peace and joy that God has promised us.