The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row, it seems farther than ever before...

I have been listening to a lot of Death Cab for Cutie recently. Not a lot of songs, but a few songs over and over and over again. One song in particular is Death Cab's Transatlanticism. I have to admit that I have recently fallen in love with this song. Deeply in love. And I believe I have fallen so hard because it expresses something that I feel deep within my soul.

My life has been somewhat discombobulated, and this past year (starting around December '06) I've been slowly but surely going through the process of re-combobulating - if there is such a thing. I could probably go into a lot of detail about that, and hopefully will expand on my combobulations in later posts, but for now I'm going to keep it simple.

The point is I've been trying to bring my life together. I've been trying to find a focus point, a backbone, a rhythm, a sort of sanity or consistency between the roles of my life. My life is not complicated compared to most, but it felt and still feels broken, incomplete and at times contradicting. I believe these diagnoses are typical and true for most people, but I have finally gotten to a point where I long to be completed, centered, and healed - a process which could very well take the rest of my life and never finish. Fortunately, I knew exactly where to begin the process: Jesus.

The only way to be complete is to be completed, and I have no doubt that the only way to be completed is through Jesus. So what does that mean for me? I have been a "Christian" most of my life, and I have dedicated my life to following Jesus for almost 10 years now, but I still feel incomplete. Realizing the tension of not yet being completed by my God that completes, it became clear to me that I had to dig deeper. And this is where Death Cab for Cutie comes in.

While listening to Transatlanticism, I became aware of the way I resonated with the tones of separation and distance. I completely understood the idea of an ocean spilling across the earth, and separating me from what I am longing for. And then came the chorus of "I need you so much closer, I need you so much closer, I need you so much closer..." I closed my eyes as I listened to this chorus, and this what I saw:

I saw a hand being offered to me.
I took it, and was guided into a world.
It was the exact same world that we live in.
I saw the courtyard of my apartment complex.
I saw my neighbors.
I saw the beauty of life,
and I saw the pain.

But this world was different.
It was complete.
It was more real, more solid, more beautiful.
The colors were piercingly radiant.
Pain was still there, but it didn't matter.
The pain had purpose, and there was a clear end.
Contentment could be felt simply by breathing.
And everyone's eyes shined with hope.

This is what I saw when thinking to myself, "I need you so much closer." What I saw was my life with God present. I saw His kingdom reigning in my world. I saw the life for which I am longing.

This is a hard picture to translate to reality, because I don't think I am actually going to see the world in different colors, but I finally understand what the end result of my re-combobulation will feel like. It will transform my perception of the world. And the only way that will happen is if I step into God's kingdom.

And now back to the title of this blog. I have no clue how to step in, and this kingdom seems very very far away, even farther than before. But I think that is a good thing. At least I'm on the right planet, and I finally understand that I need to start rowing. The realization that I have to start rowing is what makes this vision feel so far from reality. My whole life I've been happy on my little island, but now I clearly see where I need to be, and that place is somewhere else entirely.

Seeing as this post is incredibly long and i've been sitting on this couch at this coffee shop for a very long time, I'll pause here, but expect more. If you have any thoughts or you want me to go more in depth on something specific, please post a comment!

Practical Justice

I've been reading some good books lately, and I recently thought to myself,

"Self, these books have been good. You have learned quite a bit from them. You have a lot of friends that would like them too. You should tell them about it."

So here it is. The beginning of my books-that-you-should-read list.

The first book on my list:

Practical Justice, by Kevin Blue.

Why should you read this book?

First of all,
Kevin Blue wrote it. He is the head honcho for the internship that I am doing with Servant Partners. He is an amazing man, and an important leader and mentor in my life. Want to know more about what I am doing? Read a book written by my mentor.

Secondly.
This book is very practical. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the injustices occuring everywhere, all the time, next door, across the street, across town, in the city, in the country, in the world, etc. I want justice to be brought to the entire world. I want poverty to end. I want people to work with each other instead of against each other. And in my state of feeling too small in the midst of an extremely large problem, I find myself not knowing where to begin and thinking about giving up. Kevin Blue lays out some very practical ways to face injustice and kick it in the shin. He writes:

"There are plenty of issues, plenty of opportunities to work for justice, plenty of work to go around. We can't all do everything. The concerns are many, but we need not be overwhelmed by them. Rather, we should simply recongize that everyone cannot do everything but we should all be involved in addressing injustice."

three:
Kevin gives a very clear explanation of the call to Christians to live and fight for justice.

Jesus followers: It is a good word to read. I've heard, read, discussed, been convicted by, and changed my life because of the call to live justly. I've been there and done that. But this book brought me there again. Whether you don't understand how justice, Jesus, and your faith-life correlate, or you don't understand how people couldn't understand, this book is good for your soul.

Not a Christian?: This book is a good look into the part of Christianity that I know and love, and the part that I mournfully acknowledge is not well known or loved. You might find it interesting and completely different from the Christian religion you have seen. And of course, the call for justice is a call that does not discriminate, it is a call for everyone.

4th

There are some great words of wisdom throughout this book. One that stands out to me in particular is this:

"The most persistent temptation for those who seek to live a Christian life is simply to quit, because a real life of faith is difficult. It is painful. It is uncomfortable. There is real joy, peace and provision in following jesus - these and many other blessings are part of the journey. But the real Christian life encompasses sorrow. It is a life of losing life, of giving it away in sacrificial service like the Master. And in so doing, we find the life of God strengthening us, giving us the peace, joy, provision and purpose we long for."

V
i like this book. not too long. well written. worth my time. and worth yours too.



Thanks, Kevin Blue, for the sacrifices you have made. I can personally testify that your devotion to Jesus has been a blessing, encouragement, and help to my life and the lives of many, many others.